My Story of Discrimination

I entered the families chosen denomination as a small child. As I grew, I accepted the teaching of church without question. As a result; I accepted my place within the church as a submissive female should, having been taught that a woman is better off seen and not heard. So I would sit in the back row of church and only spoke when spoken to.



I entered my first marriage under the same concept that the church taught, which left me no rights to speak out against my husband, or his authority . I never argued with my husband or voiced my opinion, even though it meant living out of the back of our car, instead of having a roof over our head.



Although I often saw the hypocrisy with in the church belief, that allowed for religious bigotry to run ramped causing pain and heartache for the woman in my family or with in the church I attended. My own personal experience with religious bigotry against women, happen when my son was two months old.



I knew there was a reason behind the churches building a nursery with a window into the sanctuary as well as a speaker. It was supposed to be a safe place to take care of an infant and still allow a young mother to hear what was being preached. But it was more of a place for women to hang out and gossip, that was the reason that I had for taking my son and walking into the sanctuary and sitting on the back pew. I simple wanted to hear what was being said from the pulpit. But my actions were soon noticed by an elder of the church, and despite the fact that my son was sleeping, I was told to get back into the nursery where I belonged.



The doctrinal conception of the church I was raised to respect, said that a young mother could not go into the sanctuary, as long as she had a child under the age of 5 years old. The doctrinal teaching also said, that if I had any questions about what is being taught I should ask my husband to explain. My husband was a non-believer, and did not accompany me to church. This left me with a choice, either leave the church, or leave my son at home. I choose to leave my son at home.



But this choice only worked until he was two, and that is when my husband left me for another woman. I soon found myself facing another doctrinal issue with in the church. According to the church, although it was not right for my husband to committee such a sin of adultery, in the end it was my fault he chose to leave me for another women. It was my fault, he divorced me. In other words, I was at fault for not being a submissive wife, if I had been his eyes never would have wondered. And since it was my fault, I would have to spend the rest of my life alone, without male comfort and support. I was 26 years old and I simple could not see myself spending the rest of my life alone. So I walked away from my family’s religious choice of a Church.



But I did not leave my conception of the importance of going to church. So I walked into another church sanctuary and sat down in the pew. I soon began to deal with bigotry against me because I was a divorcee. More to the point I was a women divorcee sitting in a church that believed that it is always the woman’s fault if a man divorced her. As a result, I found myself placed under the wing of the pastor, who felt it was his job to teach me how to be a submissive woman.



At this point I was beginning to wonder how I could be any more submissive than I already was. After all ,when all was said and done, I had worked hard to be submissive as I believed God required to the point that I bowed to the concept of “ male” gender authority with out questioning whether it was even biblical. Or even the pain it was causing me. But I also realized that I was lonely and need to be around other Christian singles for support and advice.



When I realized that I need support from other singles, and realize that the church did not have a single group, I began to attend a singles home group outside of the church. When the pastor found out, he told me I had to make a choice between going to his church or attending the singles group. He went on to tell me that he could provide me with everything that I needed. That statement hit me as rather prideful on his part; ”How could he possibly know what I needed?” I asked myself, but I did not argue with him, I simple made a choice. I walked out of yet another church.



Within a few years I was married again, to a wonderful man that would stand with me through some of very painful experiences.



He has stood by me as I began classes and became an ordained minister. My reason for becoming ordained was the belief that my equal status with any pastor would gain me some respect. But my equal status did not stop the bigotry with in the church from causing me pain.



He has stood by me as I struggled with the reality of a chronic illness that would not go away. Being physically challenged as a Christian had its own bigotry attached as I was often condemned by the church for either lacking in faith in God to cure me of my illness, or being to evil and this was my punishment.



One morning, I awoke to realization that I had cried myself to sleep too many times, because of the bigotry that seems to run ramped with in the Christian Churches. And nothing I did seemed to make a difference. No matter how submissive, committed, or quite I was there was always someone standing on the side lines with his figure pointed at me accusing me falsely of some transgression.



After 40 years of living in a Christ system that was always finding fault with in me, I walked away. But although I was determined to let go of my concept that a Christian has to go to church, I did not let go of my relationship with the Lord. In the years to sense that relationship would grow and deepened, until I reach a point in which the Lord began to open doors for me in Ministry.



Under the instruction of the Holy Spirit, I began to reach out and touch women that were dealing with the reality of Chronic illness and pain, planting seeds of Hope. Hope that comes from a deep and intimate relationship with the Lord.  Hope born of submission to God through His son Jesus Christ.



Today, I can clearly say that I have been healed by God loving hands. I have been healed of the pain caused by gender bigotry.