Forgiveness

Forbearing one another, and forgiving

one another , if any man have quarrel

   against any, even as Christ forgave you,

                                                         so also do ye.

( Colossians 3:13)

 I  always believed that I had a clear understanding of what it is to forgive  another person. I really believed that  I had forgiven my mother for the physical and verbal abuse, I received at her hands as a child. But  my own understanding, and my own actions contradicted  each other, and told the truth about the real condition of my own heart. 

Yes, my understanding was faulty, when it came to understanding forgiveness. Because deep inside me, were in counted, I still held a lot of pain. Pain which surfaced every time my mother opened her mouth to speak. 

There came a time when I  came to realized my mother was not a very nice person. Although she would have conversation with other people that showed me that she could be a nice and considerate person, she couldn’t fine it with in her to  have any kind of descent conversation  with her husband or children, including myself. When she made and endeavor to talk to us,  she always talked to us with hate in her voice.  She was verbal abusive towards her husband and children to the point that we couldn’t stand to be in the same room with her. And the last thing we wanted to do was have any kind of conversation with her.

To make matters worse, her attitude effected my own attitude. No, I didn’t resort to talking to her the same way she talk to me. On the contrary, I reacted by crawled in to a hole of low self-worth. I found myself wallowing in self-pity because my mother didn’t love me, and feeling anger with myself because I  couldn’t find it with in myself to be the person that I thought she wanted me to be. My self-esteem was just fine, unless I had to listen to my mothers critical tongue. 

    I don’t think that there is a child born even today, that hasn’t been  taught from an early age that we are never supposed to contradict our parents. Or try to change their behavior in any way shape or form. I was not  exception to this rule, so I simple took my mothers abuse even as an adult,  in silent acceptance, and never said a word of how  much it hurt for her to talk down at me.

  What I failed to realize was that my own behavior of silence and anger, was just as damaging to my  low self-worth as my mothers nasty words. The truth of the matter was , that although I couldn’t change her attitude, I could change mine.

We are never as innocent as we believe

 My personal pain is not that unique! I am sure that you have felt your fare share of hurt feelings, of anger, and the total unfairness accusations that another person has laid upon your door step.  I am sure you have felt your fare share of feeling of  betrayal.  But then we all muddle our way through a world where even well-meaning people hurt one another.  The truth is, when you invest yourself in any kind of relationship, you open your hearts to the possibility that you will be wounded by another’s disloyalty, it is a fact of life.

There are some hurts that seem to roll off our backs like rain water. These we quickly ignore. Not every hurt stick to us like glue. But some pain holds on to us, remaining like a stubborn stain on the fabric of our memories. This kind of pain, often flows from our dead past into our present reality.  A parents abuse, a spouse who leave us in cold, a friends betrayal.  These hurts don’t heal so quickly, nor can they be healed by our own determination to let goof our pain. This kind of pain  require God intervention, in order to bring healing to the soul, and set the heart free of the bitterness and resentment that it naturally feel.  Forgiveness is God  way of inviting us into His world. To see other people the way He does!  As people worth forgiving.  Forbearing one another, and forgiving

one another , if any man have quarrel against any, even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.   ( Colossians 3:13)

The truth is, we always feel like innocent lambs when we are hurt by another person unfairly.  I may have been maligned, betrayed, and in every other way abused, but being abused doesn’t make me the good person.  Wronged  person yes, but not the good person.  We lose that right to be the innocent party the moment that we allow the hurt we feel  to turn into anger,  bitterness, and resentment. Our own actions, therefore, reduce the gap between us an whoever has done us wrong.  After all ; “Two wrongs don’t make things right!”  And the truth is,  for  forgiveness to be real and healing, it can not be toss down from a holy mountain, we most therefore descend in to the valley with those that have cause us pain.

The Bible tells us that; "When I was a child I spoke as a child, when I became an adult I put away childish things."   It is natural for us as children to feel the pain of abuse and to react accordingly. Even as adults, it is natural for us to feel the pain of another person mistreatment of us.  But as Adults, as children of God, we have a responsibility to  deal with that pain constructively , or it will eat up our lives.  Therefore, it is up to us to choose to walk the path of forgiveness. Or live out our lives in bondage to our own pain.