Quit often when abuse is present, the
misconception of “male” gender authority and “headship”
rules the action of both men and woman alike. The term “male”gender
authority creates unpleasant images of wives being told to submit to
their husbands without question. It invokes visions of husband being
granted license to abuse their wives and scar their children, by
physical and verbal demands to bow to their “male” authority as
head of the house.
It also brings on visions of
Christians women, who find themselves married to non-believers, or to
a Christian man that have no conception of how to take on the role of
spiritual leader with in the home. As a result, they begin to feel
an emotional need to turn to their pastor as spiritual head of
their home. These women soon find themselves in a confusing circle
of biblical doctrines and traditions that tell them that they
needs to be cared for by a strong man of God. Many Christian women
have found themselves deceived into believing, that if their husband
is not a strong man God, then God will provide her with a strong
pastor that is more than willing to take on that role as a “ male”
authority in her home.
I was myself caught up with in that
kind of deceptive concept, and it almost destroyed my marriage! Why?
Because no man likes it when another man invades what he believes to
be his territory. And when it comes to a woman’s sensitive and
emotional needs, the strong nature of a Godly man will become more
desirable than of a weak man in the eyes of many Christian women.
Many marriages and ministries have been destroyed because a pastor
took on the role as “protector“ in another man’s home.
What is headship? It is interesting to
notice that the term “headship” does not appear in the Bible. Its
conception drawn from several passages. The roots go back to the
order of creation. Adam was created first, thus he is often viewed
by Christian men and woman as if God had placed him in a position of
headship over his helpmate Eve. When the word clearly states that
Eve was created out of one of Adams ribs, as a symbol of their equal
status as God children.
“And
the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and
he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made
he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones,
and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was
taken out of Man. Genesis 2:21-23
I
love the old saying by theologian Matthew Henry “God didn’t take
a bone from man’s foot because he didn’t want her to be man’s
servant, or from his head because God didn’t want her to be man’s
master, but from his side so she would be his companion, or, the
supposition that he took it from near Adam’s heart as in reference
to affection.”
The classic section of headship in the
New Testament is found in 1 Corinthians 11:3. Where Paul holds the
extensive discussion on the male/female roles “But I want you to
realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the
woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. . “ At first glance
it seems as if the women are placed into an inferior position, and
therefore most bow to “ male” gender authority. But before we
jump to any conclusion, we need realize that Paul addresses the
myth that a husband, not men in general, stands as full headship of
the family in 1 Corinthians 11:11 -12. "Nevertheless neither is
the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the
Lord. For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the
woman; but all things of God."
Paul tells us as we continue to read I
Corinthians 11 , that both men and women are necessary and of equal
importance. Husbands are not to operate independently from their
wives and vice versa. Each has their God-given role that is of equal
importance. In a world filled with both men and women we most accept
that fact that men would not exist without women—they are born from
a woman. Women would not exist without men—they are conceived by a
man.
It is important to bear in mind that
the first century culture perceived women as an inferior to men to
the point that they were often views as being a lower form of life.
In such a context Paul’s argument that men and women are linked,
like head and body, was not designed as a put down, but a
significant step up. In fact the word “submission” is never used
in this section of scripture from which we derive much of our current
conception concerning headship. I Corinthians 7 presence women in
equal partnership and status with men. Paul make a strong point when
he says; “A man ( husband) has a right to a wife as much as a wife
has the right to a husband 2. Both husband and wives must fulfill
their sexual obligations Because their bodies belong to each other
rather than to themselves alone.” He spoke clear, because at the
time women did not have many rights.
In a marriage the man and women have
unique abilities designed in their gender, each holds a place of
headship with in their designed positions. As my protector, I depend
upon my husband to do things that are unique to his gender,
especially his physical strength. When I am weak he is strong, and I
do depend on that part of who he is. On the other hand, I have a
deeper understanding of my children and grandchildren that he does
not have. Thus, he respects my headship, when it comes to the issues
concerning our children and grandchildren.
When it comes to the spiritual issues,
we are both ordained ministers. But God had placed with in my
husband’s heart that ministry of helps. He sees that our neighbor
is in need of a helping hand, he is right there. It is not unusual
for him to rebuild a child’s bike for a child in need. I have come
to understand and accept, this part of my husband ministry. But for
being the spiritual head of the family, he does not flow in this
ability.
I was told over the years that he
would grow into this ability, if I stood to the sidelines and waited
for him to mature. But the truth is, that I once believed that to be
true, and never question whether he had truly been called to be our
family’s spiritual guide. And during the years in which I waited,
we were spiritually attacked, until our marriage was on shaky ground.
Then one day the Lord showed me that in our family I was the
spiritual authority. I was the one the Lord had blessed with the
ability to discern the demonic forces that was hitting us, not my
husband. So I began to fight back against the darkness that was out
to destroy us as a family.
We must understand that as Christians,
that God wants us to view both male and female as equally important,
not inferior and superior. The devil on the other hand wants nothing
more than to divide and concur. If he can keep husband and wives
fighting over who most submit to who, he wins simply because that
darkness of division will continue to cloud our understanding of
scripture and thus we end up having a twisted version of the truth.
If satin can keep us fighting over who
is in charge with in the home, then we will fail to treat ourselves
and each other with respect born from understanding who is the
ultimate authority figure in our life and in our home.
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